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Yesterday afternoon I went on a run more to blow off steam than because I had it scheduled.  I had the time and I wanted to do it and so I was what the hell.  Doing a flat taper and I only have one more short short taper to do and that’s the Presidio Golf Course at about 2.66 miles.  Then I begin the huge Hill Taper Down, starting at the Bowling Center in the Presidio looping through 7 miles, San Bruno Mountain, Bunny Trail, Battery Crosby and Bridge Loop.  And then I’ll do Palace to Palace and see where I’m at.

You know I’ve been chronicling the shit I’ve been going through at work.  I had a meeting about it yesterday morning and I did my run at Eagle Point to Sutro Park after that kind of to seal the deal.  What happened in the meeting is that the boss explained that he isn’t in any position to award stylists paid days off.  He explained how invested and over his head he is and the sacrifices that he is making for the shop.  He was sincere and I truly believed him.  Surprisingly, we were having similar feelings of frustration, aspiration and non-recognition of effort.  I wrote an e’mail explaining my frustrations to him and of course it sounded alot harsher than I intended, but I did apologize for the perceived tone of the e’mail, but not the content.  He said he appreciated my frankness, but it pissed him off.  It was important for me to articulate my feelings and in so doing catalyzed this overdue conversation.  I realize that ultimately I want to work with him and the shop and reinforce the convergence of vision rather than provoke a divergence based on resentment and non communication.  Really, I didn’t get time off, but I can still take time off at will.  All the scenarios to get what I want I can work it out on my own.  For instance, revenue stream:  If a paid vacation is equal to one cent on the dollar for every dollar of revenue I bring in for my services, then if I save 2 cents on the dollar from my gross commission then it would be equal to whatever I would have been paid.  Still, I was thinking that other people were being petty, found that I resembled that remark and I realize that the boss has larger problems than I do.  I can always move, but he’s stuck.  I want everybody to be free and beautiful including myself, hate anger and other people’s crap, when worn on oneself, is not a good look.

So the boss and I shook hands agreeing to let go the e’mail and start fresh.  We both acknowledged where we can work harder and I gave him an opportunity to give me some feedback.  I do need to work harder.  Being a Gay Olympian is an expensive pursuit.  More on my goals later.

So I hung out at the shop for a bit and ratted Brittany’s hair.  Went home and changed out of my uniform into my running shorts.  On my way to Lands End I dropped off my tent for Downey Friend to borrow for Tranny Camp (Some Are Camp) at the Russian River.  It was sunny and nice out.  I had a feeling of resolve and began to plan how to work my goals on my own terms on the trail from Eagles Point to Sutro Park.  Preoccupied and also maybe not fully recovered from the Great Highway I never got my heart zone up to target and realizing that it wasn’t happening just gave it up and ran where I was at at 130 bpm.  It was nice on the trail, and it was over before I realized.  Easy steady run, but slow.

Looking down from the heights of Eagle Point down at Baker Beach, I realized that I had done enough for the day and I was going to go there and play with my phone.  It was hot in the sand but cool when you stood up.  I revised an earlier blog entry that sounded too harsh in light of today’s resolution.  I had to remove the barbs from the whip but I kept flogging the subject.  Its important that I express my issues in this journal as a way of working things out.  I have to learn, even though my skills are crude, how to say what I want from my own point of view without hurting or slaying whether it be with intention or not.  Its difficult in practice and although what I write is private and protected, ultimately all I wish to do is heal, help, inspire and make things beautiful.  Sometimes we need contrast to bring this about.

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