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As soon as I pulled out of my alley, the empty light came on the gas gauge so I stopped at Arco to put $7.37 in my tank.  It was a bit after 5am and I woke up earlier to erase my negative feed from twitter and facebook.  I can sort of identify what was bugging me, but really my unarticulated burden needed to express itself.  I carry alot of shit around with me and I try to keep it under control, but it comes out and I’m not excusing myself for it, but I need to maybe find a better outlet to blow off some steam.  Those of you who consoled me or were friend enough to ignore my tirade, I appreciate you more than I can show.

Always better to work it out on the trail, but that wasn’t as available to me last night as a pint of vodka and a bad hand of poker.  I woke up eager and a little amazed I wasn’t hung over.  Still rough and crusty with tension from a bad night but after a little coffee was ready to go out to hit the Inspiration Point Loop in the Presidio.

Still dark when I got there and a bit scary, but because of the timing of my Sunrise Yoga I knew that if I started at 5:45 then the sky would lighten during the run and I’d be pretty much able to see by the reflected light off of the cloud cover and the half moon.  Visibility would be good halfway through the run.

Always spooky to run through a grove of tall trees in the dark, always thinking of a horror movie scenario with werewolves or serial killers but really the biggest danger out there aren’t rapists or psychos but vehicular traffic who fail to see ninja runners dressed in black.  I ran without music to be aware of not only oncoming traffic, but also werewolves and serial killers just in case and besides the music I listen to only heightens the scare intensity.  Sloshing of the water in my CamelBak and the jingling of my keychain and Wu Lou were enough to warn any wildlife of me but still I scattered a coyote into the bushes and howled at another loping down the road on Naumann to let him know I’m a bigger dog.  Then I’m back on the trail running past a cemetery howling some more in case the coyotes decided to circle back on me and attack.  Then certain they wouldn’t howled just to see if they would howl back, but they didn’t I only heard my howl echoing off through the pine and eucalyptus.

Sky was brightening and birdsong got more furious, I heard something like a woodpecker that could have been a toad and another call that sounded like a monkey in the trees.  Coming down from Immigration Point to run along Lincoln Boulevard it was now light enough to see clearly.  The waves were crashing cinematographically against the boulder strewn shoreline of Marshall’s beach and the waters of the strait were a turbulent reflection of a cornflower sky drowsed in crepuscular greys.

Underneath the bridge to pop out of the tunnel underneath the earthworks and a soaring hawk was silhouetted against that same sky, a perfect black raptor shape.  I spread my own wings in imitation until I saw an hiker approaching and fled in embarassment.  Coming along the steps that lead down to Crissy Field saw some female ultra’s and we exchanged good mornings.  More weekend warriors on Crissy Field and even a group of men.  I crossed to go up Halleck, once again in solitude and reflected on remnant memories of wartime that are evoked as if I experienced them firsthand as I ran through the main post.

With the sunrise came the burden of reflection, a flashback of agitation and rather than bomb up the trail I gave myself permission to walk, reflect, judge and plan a course of action.  I also invited myself to let all of these things go. I may not have interacted with my conflict in the best way, but I don’t need to be right or shit on myself for being myself.  I know this is gonna be a tough year and I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and train.

  • 5 March 2010
  • 5:53 – 6:59am
  • 1:05:54
  • 5 miles
  • 13:10 avg. pace
  • 4.56 avg. speed
  • 689 feet climbed
  • 706 calories burned

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